THE BLUNDER YEARS

Remezcla Makes NY Observer's BetaBeat

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 18:24:52 -0400

http://betabeat.com/2012/10/williamsburg-now-just-trolling-the-styleblaster-spycam/

Copenhagen - Designing Dope Urban Spaces

Wed, 24 Oct 2012 18:02:17 -0400

Superkilen Park:

http://www.designboom.com/weblog/cat/9/view/24391/superkilen-urban-park-by-big-architects-topotek1-superflex.html

TECHNOCUMBIA

Fri, 12 Oct 2012 15:07:03 -0400

TECHNOCUMBIA

Oh, hi dandelion head

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 11:04:17 -0400

I feel bad that I ate alpaca once in Peru because this animal is my new best friend.

WTF is a Lingonberry: Notes of an Ikea Neophyte

Wed, 13 Jun 2012 12:05:00 -0400

There are a few things that we, as a society, have defined as modern rites of passage into young yuppie adulthood:

1. Moving out of your parents’ house.

2. Becoming financially independent.

3. Furnishing your apartment with Ikea products.

While I’m proud to say I met two of these prongs several years ago, until recently, my transformation remained incomplete. Like a 2002 Britney, I was not a girl, not yet a woman. Basically, what I’m saying is I’d never set foot in an Ikea OKAY GEEZ

If you’ve never announced your Ikealess existence to a roomful of your peers - as I recently did - let me tell you what will happen. First, a cacophony of gasps will erupt as all heads swivel to look at you with uniform expressions of horror. Then, some of the people in the room will pretend to be responding to text messages, when they are in fact secretly defriending you on Facebook. You will Kanye shrug because you have recently developed a total indifference to Facebook. But when the Instagram unfollows ensue, it will cut you deep. Real deep.

At the behest of my roommate, I recently ventured to the Red Hook Ikea to end my days as a developmentally stunted social media outcast. Also, because we needed stuff for our new apartment and had a combined total of $17 to spend. What follows is a chronicle of that fateful day I journeyed into womanhood. My latter-day Quinceañera, if you will.

5:45 pm I board a waterway vessel whose sole purpose is to convey people to and from Ikea. Soon, I am in the grip of Disneyland “It’s a Small World” ride flashbacks. Feeling a powerful urge to frolic with my fellow passengers in the spirit of international unity and peace, I encouragingly shout ”WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER GUYS!!,” into their upturned faces. They say nothing, but I can tell they feel it too. Except for the surly ticket vendor, who can go straight to hell.

6:05 pm Our ferry docks before a behemoth blue warehouse. HOLY CRAP Ikea is approximately 50 times larger than I was expecting. As I approach the entrance, I notice a cluster of brightly colored Ikea flags flying proudly at full mast. I begin to suspect Ikea is sovereign territory. A seed of fear sprouts in my heart.

6:08 pm The first things I see as I enter the building are a cream colored chaise longue and end table sitting atop a small platform. They look at once familiar (like the furnishings of most apartments I frequent) and threatening (like adulthood on the verge of devouring my fleeting, fleeting youth). I’m officially scurred.

6:09 pm Okay nevermind about that stuff I just said, I just spotted the children’s play place so it’s all good. Indoor play places inevitably remind me of The Discovery Zone, which any 90s child will confirm is the happiest place in America. I make a mental note of its location in case I need to retreat to a safe space.

6:11 pm I have arrived at the entrance of Ikea’s “Showroom,” where my roommate has instructed me to meet her. I’d planned on just barging right in, but an intriguing assortment of props stops me in my tracks: golf pencils, sushi order sheets, tape measures, store guides, catalogs, carts, and large yellow bags. OMG is this about to be a scavenger hunt?!! Will there be a prize?? I hope it’s one of those doggie highchairs.

6:13 pm A showroom sentry has appeared and I am now faced with a difficult dilemma. On the one hand, she may know that I have just stuffed every single golf pencil into my pockets, in which case I will probably be sent to the Ikea dungeons. On the other hand, she may have the first clue to this crazy scavenger hunt. I decide to take a risk and approach her.

6:16 pm Okay so it turns out she was a sales associate named Janine. Janine immediately recognizes me as a stranger in these parts, and launches into an explanation of Ikea’s local customs and social mores, as well as its “shopping concept.” Apparently, those things I thought were sushi order sheets are actually item lists to keep track of the product codes and model numbers for each piece of furniture you want to buy. Whatevs, I’m already exhausted just listening to this, so I tune the rest out.

6:17 pm I am in the showroom.

6:20 pm HELP I AM OVERWHELMED SO MANY ROOMS GREAT ODIN’S RAVEN

6:27 pm I finally locate my roommate in a fully furnished model of a 250 sq foot apartment. Through some kind of powerful and ancient Norse magic Ikea has managed to make this apartment look spacious and uncluttered, even though I’m pretty sure we are actually inside a shoebox and this is where The Borrowers live.

6:35 pm The furnishings in these rooms all have names like “FLÄRDFULL” and “FYRKANTIG.” I suspect they are primeval scandinavian runes that will glamour me if uttered aloud. They must not be uttered aloud.

6:37 pm I try to reenact that scene from 500 Days of Summer with a harried looking father of two I encounter in one of the model bedrooms. “I don’t know how to tell you this, but there’s a Chinese family in our bathroom,” I say with a wry smile. “What,” he responds. Ah, young love.

8:00 pm We’ve been wandering the showroom for almost two hours and I have completely forgotten what we came to Ikea to buy. I begin to accept the fact that I may never emerge from this labyrinth of seduction. Concurrently, I entertain the idea of adding an umlaut or two to my name. Ändreä.

8:02 pm WOAH WOAH WOAH THERE ARE MEATBALLS HERE?!?! WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THERE ARE MEATBALLS HERE. GIVE ME ALL OF THE MEATBALLS, INGA. GIVE IT.

8:05 pm My meatballs are served with a side of mashed potatoes in lingonberry sauce. I have never heard of a lingonberry, but it sounds like something forest sprites would eat, so I’m sure it is both whimsical and delicious. I want to stay here forever.

8:08 pm nom nom nom

8:15 pm NOM NOM NOM

8:30 pm My food coma reverie is interrupted by a voice over the loudspeaker announcing that Ikea will be closing in 30 minutes. This does not leave much time to collect the 75 pieces of furniture on my item list and load them onto the pack mules for the long journey home. “Take me to the stables,” I tell my roommate.

8:37 pm My roommate has brought me to the bowels of Ikea, a giant, cavernous purgatory stacked from floor to ceiling with flat cardboard boxes. I see neither furniture nor mules. What is the meaning of this? Perhaps this is a test of my mettle; I must first prove myself worthy of the furniture. Then I shall ascend to Valhalla, where I can drink mead from a horn and spend eternity living the modernist design dream.

8:39 pm Wait. Apparently Ikea expects us to assemble all of this furniture ourselves and makes zero provisions for transporting it on the subway. F THAT. I’m just going to buy this pore magnifying mirror and duvet and dip out before the Valkyries steal my soul.

9:00pm We finally emerge from the checkout line just in time to miss the last Ikea shuttle. As we wait for the bus, I turn to my roommate and say “Some day the bards shall sing songs about this night.” She gives me a meaningful look and says “I think you owe me $7.”

Mission Accomplished

Wed, 06 Jun 2012 20:14:41 -0400

I’m so proud of me.

gq: Amen! D’Angelo Is Back!! Sh-t. Damn. Motherf—ker! If you...

Tue, 22 May 2012 11:26:50 -0400

gq:

Amen! D’Angelo Is Back!!

Sh-t. Damn. Motherf—ker! If you love D’Angelo like we do, this one’s gonna give you chills. GQ presents the neo-soul legend’s first extended interview and his first photo shoot in more than a decade. Here’s a brief bit of GQ correspondent Amy Wallace’s spellbinding profile, and click here to read the whole thing.

[Photograph by Gregory Harris]

This article is fantastic. Fan.tas.tic.

labor of love

Sat, 19 May 2012 11:33:28 -0400

Mom: You really need to reupholster this couch.
Me: I can’t really afford that right now.
Mom: Why don’t you just hire an immigrant to do it?
Me: …..
Me: Are you trying to tell me I can pay you to do it

"The fact that a younger generation is being born in which minorities are the majority has broad..."

Thu, 17 May 2012 10:31:51 -0400

“The fact that a younger generation is being born in which minorities are the majority has broad implications for the country’s economy, its political life and its identity. “This is an important tipping point,” said William H. Frey, the senior demographer at the Brookings Institution, describing the shift as a “transformation from a mostly white baby boomer culture to the more globalized multiethnic country that we are becoming.””

- NY Times, “Whites Account for Under Half of Births in U.S.”

This picture is everything

Sat, 12 May 2012 21:26:44 -0400

SO SPIRITUAL

Fri, 11 May 2012 12:10:00 -0400

SO SPIRITUAL

I can't

Thu, 10 May 2012 12:03:00 -0400

Okay, I’ll admit that I once lost an entire afternoon to reading articles on “extreme breastfeeding” because a) I have a Google problem, and b) it is, in fact, an interesting social phenomenon. So no shade at Time for exploring this issue. With that said I cannotttt rock with this cover. Less because it is clearly shock-baiting, and more because even if this boy develops no mental/sexual issues from this type of behavior (as of my Googling spree last year, no studies have shown that long-term breastfeeding is harmful), this cover will definitely make things weird for him with his peers. I mean, can we all agree the playground probably gets less fun once your friends find out you were photographed on the cover of a national magazine, perched upon your mom’s tittay at an age that most of society deems inappropriate? C’MAAAN GUYS.

p.s. That headline? Naw.

p.p.s. Did this cover make anyone else flash to the last scene of The Grapes of Wrath? Just sayin

The Day Court Square Won the MTA

Wed, 09 May 2012 01:01:00 -0400

If you know me, chances are you’ve heard me repeatedly complain about at least one of the following things: being awake pre-10 AM, the G train, subterranean transit in general, and slow walkers. Since my work commute consistently involves all of the above, that means I spend most mornings a) mean mugging anyone who crosses my path, and b) cursing my wretched life.

But recently, that all changed. During my usual trudge of despair through the Court Square subway station, I turned the corner toward the 7 train only to come face to face with not one, but six giant posters of MY GURL:

For those of you who didn’t grow up watching all Univision everything with your abuela, the significance of this image may not be immediately apparent. Let me explain: the platinum-haired flyness pictured above is Cristina Saralegui, talk show queen of Latin-America. Her eponymous show was one of the highest-rated programs on Spanish language TV, and growing up, it was my one-stop shop for exclusive interviews with the biggest stars of la farandula, frank discussion on social issues that are often taboo in the Latino community (HIV/AIDS, homosexuality, teen sexuality, women’s rights), and examples of how to consistently pull off resplendent power suits.

Like all good members of my generation, I have a soft spot for mid-90s cultural touchstones, and for me Cristina will always hold a special place among them. Although her show aired on Univision for over 20 years (and now airs in a new iteration on Telemundo), to me its heyday - like Nickelodeon’s - was between 1992-1998. That’s mainly because those were the years I spent watching it with my grandmother, but it’s also because it was without question her best hair phase. There is nothing better than Cristina’s 90s I Dream of Genie ponytail extension. NOTHING.

Alas, once I got older and the lure of friends and boys with driver’s permits took hold, my summers of daytime TV came to an end and I completely lost track of the show. So when I encountered Cristina’s trademark thumbs-up and borderline glow-in-the-dark bob illuminating the Court Square station, it was like running into that friend you haven’t seen in years and discovering you still have a great rapport. And, as I do after most chance encounters with long lost friends and acquaintances, I immediately Googled the shit out of her.

After the jump, some of the best facts I learned about Cristina on the interwebs:

1. Though I assumed that Cristina learned to read in Spanish the way all geniuses do - by watching Muzzy in kindergarten OBVIO - this was apparently not the case. She actually didn’t learn to read or write in Spanish until she was 25, when she taught herself during an internship at Vanidades. Within four years of this late in the game literacy, she managed to snag the top editorial post at Cosmopolitan-en-Español.

SCHOLARLY SWAAAAG

2. Through she is frequently referred to as the “Spanish-language Oprah,” at its peak Cristina’s show drew five times Oprah’s viewers, making her one of the most successful daytime TV hosts of all time. In fact, in an article I unearthed on The Boston Globe, Oprah is quoted as saying: “Cristina is not the Hispanic me. I am the black Cristina.”

SO BALLIN

3. Cristina was the first Latina to be inducted into the Broadcasting & Cable Hall of Fame AND the first Spanish-language television personality to receive a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

BOSS BITCH STATUS.

4. In 1996, when depictions of gays on TV were few and far between, Cristina produced a controversial show on same-sex marriages, during which two gay couples were married on-air. She received a valor award from GLAAD for her efforts in educating viewers about gay & lesbian issues, and six months later, Oprah and 20/20 followed suit, also featuring stories on gay weddings.

BIDI BIDI BOM BOM

If these delightful facts have not convinced you that Cristina is the truth, please look at this screenshot of a candid audience reaction to her 1992 interview of Gloria Trevi.

This woman is so happy. You’d think she just found the studio audience was going to win free cars, but Cristina didn’t mess with giveaways because she’s the realest.

The look on this woman’s face is how I now feel every day during my morning commute. MTA: I thank you for bringing Cristina back into my life. Readers: If you’d like to see an abnormal amount of pre-10 AM smiling, you can find me in the Cristina Carnival Corridor at Court Square Monday through Friday.

PA’LANTE

Tears in Heaven

Fri, 04 May 2012 16:28:00 -0400

A Suggestion

Thu, 03 May 2012 13:56:00 -0400

No Ordinary Love

Wed, 02 May 2012 11:19:00 -0400

OMG WHUT SMOOTH OPERATOR WANTNEED

NOOOOOOO BOOOOOO SOMANYTEARS SWEETEST TABOO

The Way We Were: The Story of Andrea Gompf and Tyler Whitmire 2004-2008

Tue, 01 May 2012 12:35:49 -0400

Guy playing pool at the Bowery Hotel upstairs bar - w4m - 25

Sat, 28 Apr 2012 11:36:00 -0400

——————————————————————————————————-

Date: 2012-04-27, 10:53AM EST

Reply to: agompf@gmail.com

——————————————————————————————————-

I saw you last night at the Ingrid party, you were wearing the FLYEST leather starter jacket I’ve ever seen. I was the petite brunette in the glasses staring at you like she wanted to steal your jacket.

I want to steal your jacket.

Lykke Li’s performance started and we were parted by the crowds before I had a chance to rip it off your body and run. If you’re reading this, just know I’m still thinking about it and I will hunt you down

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Goodbye Greenpoint

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 15:33:00 -0400

As of today, Caralyn and I are officially approved for a new apartment with a washer/dryer IN THE BATHROOM AKA I CAN DO LAUNDRY AT MY LEISURE IN MY OWN APARTMENT BOH BOH BOH WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT BISHES!??! We will also have an excellent roof, conveniently located one block away from a subway line that actually enters Manhattan. You are invited to our four month long roof party, where the only songs that will be played are Ride wit Me and Pony - either a selling point or a warning depending on whether you are a Fun or a Notfun.

Although I’m excited to switch up the scenery, I’ll be sad to leave Greenpoint, which has been my home for the last 3.5 years. Many an adage asserts that a home is less a physical place than it is a feeling. But for me, it was the small, tangible things about the neighborhood that really contributed to making me feel at home in New York. Things like:

Walking down my favorite block on Milton Street every Sunday and trying to creep in the windows of these houses.

The storefront at “Just Men,” which was clearly designed by the person who made fonts/graphics for Saved by the Bell and In Living Color

The perfect shade of weathered blue paint on the Church of God of Greenpoint’s façade. [Side note: I have chosen to interpret this ambiguously-named church as one that worships the God of Greenpoint. Otherwise it would be called Greenpoint’s Church of God, AMIRITE]

The fact that my falafel joint looks like this on the outside:

And this on the inside. CHANDELIERS SO FANCY

The Rite Aid that used to be a roller rink and has retained disco ball as Rite Aid Rave contingency:

I’d like to think that after nearly four years in this neighborhood I’ve done a decent job of exploring its nooks and crannies and really getting a lay of the land. With that said, there are definitely still some glaring gaps in my neighborhood knowledge, because sometimes you discover Macgyver is on Netflix watch instantly and leaving your apartment suddenly loses all meaning. To remedy this situation, Caralyn and I have created the neighborhood bucket list to end all bucket lists. For the next month, we will be checking items off this epic list and chronicling them on this here tumblr. No stone will be left unturned. If you enjoy adventures, risking incarceration, dressing up/costumes, eating things that come in dumpling form, and the Polish discotheque, I HIGHLY suggest you get involved in this ratcheteria.

STAY TUNED MY LITTLE LIEBLINGS.

EXCLUSIVE Interview with Rare Nickelback Fan

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 17:25:03 -0400

Last November, Nickelback was booked to play the halftime show at the Detroit Lions’ annual Thanksgiving day game, causing intense public outcry by all people with functional ears. The furor eventually coalesced into an online petition on Change.org to replace Nickelback, which received over 55,000 signatures and substantial media coverage. Let’s take a moment to put this in perspective.

Purpose of Change.org according to “About” section on its website:

To “empower anyone, anywhere to start, join, and win campaigns for social change.”

Types of campaigns Change.org suggests we should use the platform for:

Curbside recycling programs, fighting wrongful deportation, protecting against anti-gay bullying.

Recent Change.org success stories:

Petition asking Bank of America to drop new $5 monthly debit card fee. Signed by PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA and 299,999 other people, which resulted in B of A backing down.

Petition created by Trayvon Martin’s family members, calling for the prosecution of George Zimmerman. Received over 2.2 million signatures, played a pivotal role in raising awareness on the murder, and contributed to George Zimmerman’s eventual arrest.

Now, I can’t claim to know the inner workings of Change.org and what, if any, vetting system they have for petitions. Nonetheless, I feel confident that their decision to host the anti-Nickelback campaign was not only a tacit endorsement, but a clear directive: Nickelback must be stopped in the name of social progress.

As someone who has always championed progress, I was perturbed to hear about Nickelback’s sold-out show at Madison Square Garden last week. But mainly, I was overcome with curiosity about the 18,000 people who paid money to attend this event. Who were these fans? What did they look like? Where do they hang out? What is their stance on goatees of a radically different color and texture than the hair on the goatee-possesor’s head? To my shock and dismay, I didn’t have to go far in the quest for these answers. It turned out there was a self-proclaimed Nickelback fan in the midst of my closest group of friends:

Identity withheld at subject’s request.

What follows are the hard-hitting questions I was forced to ask this friend (referred to henceforth as “Hewlett”) in the wake of this revelation:

Andrea: Wait. You like Nickelback?
Hewlett: Yo, I LOVE Nickelback.
Andrea: What is your favorite Nickelback song?
Hewlett: Uhhh I don’t know the names of them. The one that goes [singing] NANANA DIFFERENT STORY…COULD BE A LITTLE HEARTBREAK ACHING…ummm some other lyrics for 1.5 mins…I’VE BEEN WRONG! I’VE BEEN DOWN, TO THE BOTTOM OF EVERY BOTTLE! SOMETHING DAH DAH DAH DAH, AND WE’RE HAVING FUN YEAAAAA. YEAAAAAA. YEAAAAAAAA. [end singing] That’s MY SONG.
Andrea: Can you name one member of Nickelback?
Hewlett: I don’t know the names.
Andrea: In your opinion, are the lead singer’s vocal stylings best described as “singing while constipated” or “goat distress sounds”?
Hewlett: Singing while shitting….up and down, yelling and screaming.
Andrea: Did you hear the recent rumor that the lead singer died in Turks and Caicos? How did it make you feel? How does it make you feel now?
Hewlett: You just ruined my whole day.

And there you have it folks. Nickelback ruins another person’s day.